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Jean Claude Van Johnson: “I’m still kicking, I must be on Broadway!”

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Who doesn’t know, and love, Jean Claude Van Damme? How many times have the many TV channels played the Universal Soldier series, or Timecop, Hard Target, Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Double Team and countless other action action masterpieces? Those incredible high-kicking legs of Jean Claude Van Damme are still to this day capable of performing eye-bulging man-splits, it just might take a little longer now. Spoilers high-kicking your way!

And why is that? Because JC, like everyone around us now, is grudgingly diving into nostalgia to help us deal with real-world atrocity, is getting older. His movie career isn’t anywhere near what it was, but with the crap-ton of films he had done previously, Jean Claude has a ridiculous amount of money left and not a clue what to do with it. He proclaims to be retired, ostensibly from the film business, but the outrageously-priced call girls and pictures of far too many dog companions aren’t filling the void of absolute boredom JC currently suffers. So when old flame Vanessa (Kat Foster) shows back up in JC’s life, he decides to jump back into things with both feet!

But wait! JC went back to his old management publicist Jane (Phylicia Rashad) and told her he wanted to work again, sure, but he wasn’t talking about movies. It turns out, all this time while he was starring in kick-ass action films, they were just fronts for his really-real job, as an international spy-assassin. You laugh, but I’m not kidding! These progressively-more-ludicrous films make for fine covers while he investigates bad goings-on in other countries, and indeed, Jane tells JC he’ll need a movie role to star in if he intends to go to Bulgaria, chasing after Vanessa who’s already on her own assignment. In Bulgaria, she’s a hairdresser on the set of the film being made there.

And guess what? Van Damme just landed the lead role of that self-same movie, HUCK, a splashy kung-fu re-imagining of Huckleberry Finn, I kid you not, while he also checks out the heroin business here in Bulgaria. But, like many other things in this hidden gem of a show, the role is completely absurd and pushes him to some seriously frustrating acting, fighting, and even just idiocy, limits. The director has no respect for his high kicks and splits, yet practically creams himself when actual bad guys come to confront JC on the set and oh does he wipe the floor with them.

Jane stuck JC with some help in the form of Luis (Moises Arias), a former Columbian child soldier with a lot of baggage still left to deal with, but also an excellent makeup artist with a heart of gold. And of course it turns out the guy who plays “N-Word Jim”, Victor (Deren Tadlock), who may have a thing for Vanessa and so JC got him kinda sorta fired for it, may be able to help JC in his taking down the bad guys as well. Because it turns out, the bad guys aren’t always who you think they are.

Even lacking original coherent plot, if you’ve seen most of JC’s movies you can kind of guess already who the baddies turn out to be; I’m not going to spoil it. Visions of Elysium-like emu farms, a JC clone with a terrible accent, and Jean Claude’s own “gift” notwithstanding (no, it’s splitting), the final confrontation is hilarious, dry and preposterously witty about getting old, much like JCVD himself.

Each episode is only approximately half an hour long and there are only six episodes in this first season, so it’s not like this delightful little eye-roll of an aging action show carves a bunch of time from your life. Though I have to say that, like the movie seems to think as well, Timecop is still arguably JCVD’s best movie.

Come admire the fact that doing man-splits still hasn’t killed the indomitable Jean Claude Van Damme, I mean, Jean Claude Van Johnson, on Amazon Prime now!

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‘Mufasa: The Lion King’ Will Leave You Breathless

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“Mufasa: The Lion King” is a visually stunning addition to the beloved Lion King franchise, offering a fresh and emotionally resonant take on the origins of one of Disney’s most iconic characters. The film beautifully explores Mufasa’s journey, balancing heartfelt moments with touches of comedy that lighten the mood and make the story accessible to audiences of all ages. The animation is breathtaking, capturing the vibrant landscapes and lush environments of the Pride Lands, adding depth to Mufasa’s character and his relationships.

The storytelling is compelling, effectively pulling at the heartstrings while providing insights into Mufasa’s character before he becomes the legendary king. However, the setup for Scar’s betrayal feels somewhat underdeveloped, lacking the deeper motivation that could have enriched their complex brotherly relationship. This missed opportunity leaves a slight gap in understanding Scar’s actions, which could have elevated the dramatic stakes.

The musical score is impressive, featuring memorable songs that enhance the emotional impact of pivotal scenes. While there are several standout tracks, one song, in particular, resonates deeply and is sure to linger in viewers’ minds long after the credits roll. Overall, “Mufasa: The Lion King” is an amazing film and a worthy addition to the Lion King lore that manages to deliver both laughter and tears, offering a rich tapestry of storytelling that fans will appreciate.

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Is ‘Kraven the Hunter’ a Total Letdown?

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“Kraven the Hunter,” directed by J.C. Chandor, aims to introduce a beloved Spider-Man villain to the big screen, but unfortunately, it falls short of expectations. The film suffers from noticeable issues, notably an overuse of ADR (Automated Dialogue Replacement), which detracts from the authenticity of the characters’ interactions and contributes to an uneven audio experience. This technical flaw is compounded by rough storytelling that feels disjointed and lacking in coherence, leaving viewers struggling to connect with the narrative.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson delivers a commendable performance as Kraven, showcasing the character’s gritty nature and complex motivations. His portrayal has potential, and it’s evident that he could elevate the character far beyond what is presented with a stronger script and direction. However, the absence of Spider-Man, a central figure in Kraven’s lore, leaves a void that the film struggles to fill. Without this critical connection, the plot meanders and fails to create the tension or stakes that fans of the superhero genre crave.

Additionally, including Rhino as a villain feels like a missed opportunity; he is presented more as a gag character with limited screen time, undermining any sense of threat or depth. For the average moviegoer, “Kraven the Hunter” might entertain but ultimately feels like a mediocre viewing experience. Comic book fans, however, may find disappointment in this lackluster attempt to create a solo character film. Instead of an exhilarating dive into Kraven’s world, the film presents a watered-down version, leaving audiences wishing for a more cohesive vision that honors its comic book roots.

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A Brief Review and History of A Year Without a Santa Claus

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A Year Without a Santa Claus, the 1974 stop-motion holiday classic produced by Rankin/Bass, is a heartwarming and whimsical tale that has cemented its place in holiday traditions. Based on Phyllis McGinley’s 1956 book, the story revolves around a disheartened Santa Claus who, feeling unappreciated, decides to take a year off from his Christmas duties. It’s up to Mrs. Claus and a pair of well-meaning elves, Jingle and Jangle, to reignite the Christmas spirit and show Santa the world’s unwavering belief in him.

The movie is beloved for its unforgettable characters, especially the bickering Miser Brothers, Snow Miser and Heat Miser. Their catchy, vaudeville-style musical numbers, “Snow Miser Song” and “Heat Miser Song”, are so iconic they’ve become cultural touchstones, often parodied and celebrated decades later.

Directed by Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass, the film continues the duo’s tradition of stop-motion magic, blending heartfelt storytelling with quirky humor. The voice cast, featuring Mickey Rooney as Santa and Shirley Booth as Mrs. Claus, delivers standout performances. Booth’s warm narration was her final acting role before retirement, adding a layer of poignancy to the film.

Initially released on December 10, 1974, on ABC, the special didn’t immediately achieve the legendary status of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. However, it gained a dedicated following through annual holiday airings, nostalgic appeal, and its distinct charm.

The film’s themes of hope, unity, and rekindling joy remain timeless, making it a perennial favorite for audiences of all ages. Its blend of humor, catchy songs, and a touching message about believing in magic and goodwill ensures its enduring legacy during the holiday season.

For fans of holiday classics, A Year Without a Santa Claus is a must-watch that never fails to warm hearts and spread cheer.

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