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Pet Sematary: Bloodlines: Thanks a lot, Grandpa

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In 1969 a hereditary evil secret hidden by the town of Ludlow, Maine, is suddenly exposed when a grieving father uses the forbidden pet sematary powers to bring his beloved son back to life.

Meet beefcake farmboy Judson Crandall (Jackson White), freshly graduated and really wanting to do something with his life, to protect and serve and help people. The draft for the Vietnam war still floats around Ludlow like a dire whispered threat, though Jud’s father Dan Crandall (Henry Thomas) has pulled every last string he can to make sure that never happens to his precious son. Dan really does want his son to escape the cursed town of Ludlow, but the all-important why doesn’t come until later. 

Somehow, Jud’s all-American girlfriend Norma (Natalie Alyn Lind) has convinced Jud to join the freaking Peace Corps with her. And on this day, as Norma and Jud prepare to leave Ludlow for hopefully a good long time, some very weird, freaky, and then very bad sh*t starts happening. 

Everyone who knows about Jud and Norma’s reason for leaving generally scoffs at the idea, though they all are happy if not envious of the idea of finally leaving Ludlow for whatever reason, and none more so than Jud’s father Dan. But an eerily familiar long-haul road has a usually ordinary dog acting very strangely, and nothing would do for a pair of do-gooders but to see Hendrix the dog home. 

Home happens to be the Baterman place, where Bill Baterman (David Duchovny) informs Jud and Norma that his son Timmy (Jack Mulhern) is suddenly back from the war, decorated with a Silver Star and everything. (It’s a piece of irony that no one mentions that the Silver Star, is a medal awarded for singular acts of valor over a brief period, such as one or two days, and the potential implications of that.) And we the audience already know, from the very first opening scene, exactly what is making Timmy act in the murderous way he is. 

Of course, Jud has a history with Timmy, along with Manny Rivers (Forrest Goodluck) and with his sister Donna (Isabella LaBlanc), the youngling representatives of the fairly large Mi’kmaq Indian tribal presence apparent here in Ludlow. Donna recently has been plagued by ominous dreams, causing her to make spirit masks as an almost instinctual response, and of course, worrying her brother. But then, the Mi’kmaq have been here in Ludlow for much longer than these cowardly white men, and have kept a history of what they call the Mouth in the woods. 

So yes, Timmy has risen from the grave (not that he was actually buried) and is wandering Ludlow unchecked in an always-hungry state, much to the dismay of everyone but especially his beleaguered father. Hendrix the dog attacks Norma, while Timmy attacks Donna like a zombie plague, getting her to rise and in turn attack others, and all across Ludlow the adults hiding secrets about that thing in the woods are starting to get very twitchy and nervous. 

It’s another piece of irony that the actual history of Ludlow is so easily obtained, not from Jud’s dad or Timmy’s dad or even the Mi’kmaq elders, but from the very-drunk Priest (Vincent Leclerc) at the local church, who damns the elders for their shortsightedness at actually keeping the history of Ludlow preserved. And we the audience are treated to a fully rendered historical sequence, of settlers in 1674 led by Ludlow himself, trying to settle fertile land in Mi’kmaq territory. Ludlow falls victim to the “sour ground” and devolves into a cannibalistic ghoul, much to the dismay of his men, and of course, the poor Mi’kmaq folk he ate. The founding fathers of the territory all swear an oath to protect the town from whatever curse Ludlow may have brought upon himself, though they, with no thought to irony whatsoever apparently, name the town Ludlow so they would all never forget. 

The Mouth in the woods, past the separating break wall Jud’s grandfather built, never forgot either, and knows the names of every last founding father that tried desperately to contain the cursed whispering and murderous tendencies – Benson, Baterman, Crandall, just to name a few …  

Time is running out and the zombie hunger plague is spreading, Norma is all trussed up for the sacrifice, and Jud has convinced his dad and the other “elders” of the town to go after the source, which in theory is Timmy himself, with all their big ole guns and quite limited knowledge of monsters and magic and curses. Finally, after many confrontations and useless shooting not in the eyes, Jud is forced to contend with the fact that his entire family is cursed, and the real legacy his father and family left him was the responsibility and stewardship of the Mouth in the Woods, the pet Sematary, and the town of Ludlow itself. Thanks a lot, Grandpa. 

So apparently this prequel Pet Sematary film is meant to tie into the Pet Sematary remake of 2019, which, hey, it would’ve been nice to know that before I watched it. The spirit of the original 1989 version is rather lacking, and that may be why. Young Jud Crandall is practically an emotionless poppet as he races from catastrophe to disaster, his reactions are minute, and the one time he does pop off and start yelling, at Timmy it is perfectly valid, he’s practically pleading rather than screaming. Jud’s no coward and the film seemed to kind of imply he actually wanted to go serve in the military, but most of his reactions to the grotesquerie of the zombie cannibals, the Mouth in the woods, and even his own families’ involvement in it are disbelief rather than anything resembling protective reactions. 

Even the horror isn’t terribly horror-fic, with much of the gore being glossed over, the camera panned away right as the blood splashes, and the cannibalism is largely implied, but understood, so kind of disappointing. The makeup effects for the cursed ones are pretty good, and the one role that actually inspired fear and dread in this sad, spoon-fed tale of generational woe, was Mulhern as Timmy Baterman. 

For the backstory of the town of Ludlow, Maine, and the legend of the pet Sematary contained therein, catch Pet Sematary Bloodlines on Paramount+ now! 

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Blink Twice: Another snake venom shot please! 

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Tech mogul Slater King meets cocktail waitress Frida at a fundraising gala, and whisks her and her friend Jess off to a vacation on his freaking private island, where things begin to take a turn for the sinister! 

Any film where the main character keeps near-constantly asking his companions if they’re having a good time is going to start looking suspicious. Slater King (Channing Tatum) professes to be a firm believer in, let’s say for the sake of argument, alternate forms of therapy when it comes to dealing with one’s traumas and tribulations. The island, Slater’s own private island ffs, boasts at least the appearance of opulence, with white barely-there vacation clothes for both men and women, free-range chickens amongst the lush greenery, yoga, posh catered food on the daily, mountains of club-kid drugs and rivers of alcohol, pools and a ridiculous mansion to hide all kinds of horrific secrets, all surrounded by special purple lilies with a distinctive scent they turned into the perfume Desideria (meaning desire, longing) to give to the women as gifts. Oh, and like, a lot of snakes. 

It’d be easy to explain away how Frida (Naomi Ackie) doesn’t remember the first night – she’s here and overwhelmed by the opulence and purported acceptance of them-all, plus we’re talking all kinds of designer drugs she willingly partook in, who wouldn’t close their eyes and indulge a little? The gang Slater’s surrounded himself with all seem like real nice welcoming people – photographer Vic (Christian Slater) in his fishing hats constantly taking potentially incriminating polaroids, unwilling to talk about how his pinkie went missing; Cody (Simon Rex) the personal chef can’t seem to remember not to call former reality-show star Sarah (Adria Arjona) ‘babe’;  DJ Tom (Haley Joel Osment) turns out to be a joiner no matter what the wicked game happens to be; and rounding out our boys is innocent little graduate Lucas (Levon Hawke), who definitely does not have the stomach for the real purpose of the sinister island life. Stan (Cris Costa) is there as security, stoic and uncompromising, and even Slater’s dubious therapist Rich (Kyle MacLachlan) shows up on the island at some point, where he wigs the hell out of Frida’s already-increasing paranoia. 

For the feminine side of the foreboding island setup, we have – Camilla (Liz Caribel) and Heather (Trew Mullen), basically pretty mindless party girls always up for everything, even snake venom shots; the former reality show star who actually bothered training for months for the physicality of the role, Sarah; Frida and her long-suffering friend Jess (Alia Shawkat); and finally, like all good assistants, she who knows way more about the truth of the island than she should, the heavily beleaguered Slater King personal assistant Stacy (Geena Davis). Given that your movie reviewer here happens to proudly sport she/her pronouns, it’s safe to say I am completely biased towards the female side of the movie because, make no mistake, gender lines, like battle lines, are about to be laid on the island and crossed in the most vile, violent fashion possible. 

Saying much of anything more would give the entire game away – why the helper maid with the snake tattoo keeps calling Frida ‘Red Rabbit’ in the most familiar fashion, the whole deal with the red gift bags and unique flower perfume, the fishing trip for the men that is most definitely not a red herring, and perhaps most especially, the whole surreal forgetting-what-day-it-is nature of the island for the womenfolk only apparently. 

For a tale of horror turned into some well-deserved retribution, keep your eyes open for Blink Twice, in theaters now! 

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Top 5 DC Jokers

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  1. Cesar Romero, played the Joker in the totally zany Batman TV show from the 1960s, starring Adam West as the titular hero. Romero did it first, among all these other versions of the Joker, you could always tell that Romero was having a blast being the Clown Prince of Crime, a mastermind and a villain you bet, but constantly full of that laughter that puts one in the mind of the Tim Curry version of Pennywise the clown. Romero enjoyed a long and great career in TV and film both before and after his stint as Batman, and his fashion sense as the Joker has echoes in the beloved green-and-purple even to this day. 


It has to be said, though the movie came out when I was less than double-digits-old, that the Jack Nicholson version of the Joker, from Tim Burton’s Batman, is the IT Joker for my generation. He had it all – fashion sense to knock your socks off, aspirations of being the world’s first fully functioning homicidal artist, a penchant for over-the-top gestures that begin as entertainment and end in your death, and of course, he could succumb to massive violence at any given moment. Nicholson was already hugely popular at the time he starred as the Joker, and his quite different portrayal of Jack Napier, the ruthless gangster turned to madcap murderer is forever a classic. Plus Nicholson delivering lines like, “You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?”, makes his Joker absolutely unique. 

    1. It turns out, the person who’s portrayed the Joker arguably the longest, is a far cry from the major movie roles he’s generally known for – Luke Skywalker, aka Mark Hamill. Premiering as the Clown Prince of Crime in what is also arguably still the best Batman cartoon series put out, now known as Batman the Animated Series from 1992, Hamill breathed new life into our beloved villain in his own highly unique way. Even the iconic Joker laugh, Mark Hamill managed to make that his own too, and given the fact that Hamill’s voiced the Joker in, let’s see here, Batman TAS, Superman the Animated Series, The New Batman Adventures, Static Shock, and yes, even Justice League, is all a great testament to his dedication to the character and how everyone else seems to love his version of it. Hamill even voiced the Joker in the animated movie adaptation of Batman The Killing Joke, based on the award-winning graphic novel that offers us a potential Joker origin story. 

    It’s also entirely worth mentioning that Mark Hamill has also voiced the Joker in what are generally believed to be the best Batman video games, and this one’s even a trilogy – Batman: Arkham Asylum, Batman: Arkham City, and Batman: Arkham Knight. Even if you don’t play video games, it’s worth looking into the Joker cutscenes from any of the Batman Arkham games. 

    1. The Gotham TV show had some big aspirations, trying to do a prequel series before Batman was even a Thing in Gotham City, and yet still have a city full of crime, intrigue, and comfortingly familiar villains. We loyal fans sat through a season of crime boss gang wars, a season of the rise of various familiar wicked faces, and finally were rewarded for our patience and belief in the showrunners when, in season three, a cult of personality and ruin rose for Jerome, and eventually Jeremiah, Valeska, both played to excellent reviews by Cameron Monaghan. The name the Joker was never uttered in character for Monaghan’s performance, but every single last person watching knew damn well who the Valeska twins were meant to represent, and it’s all due to Monaghan’s outstanding and unforgettable acting. 

    It’s another reverse irony that while Mark Hamill enjoyed Star Wars fame first and then went on to do his own version of the Joker, Cameron Monaghan played a very different version of the proto-Jokers we’ll say, and then went on to become huge in the Star Wars Jedi video games. 


    And finally, we have what could be said to be the most depressingly accurate version of a real-world Joker, Arthur Fleck as played by Joaquin Phoenix. Arthur is a failed clown and aspiring stand-up comedian with a whole boatload of issues, a severe neurological laughing disorder, and is surrounded by the hedonism and the indifference of the High vs the Low, set in a gritty ready-to-explode Gotham City during the early 1980’s recession. Phoenix’s portrayal of Fleck’s descent into clown-laced craziness, from an everyday person with normal hopes and dreams dashed against the nobody-cares reality causing him not to fall into madness but dive headfirst, is a unique and even sympathetic version of the Joker that left audiences stunned. Even Phoenix’s look for the Joker had different colors and a different strut. Still, there was absolutely no doubt that, after Fleck shot Murray Franklin quite dead on live TV, it was the same familiar, absolutely batshit insane clown we all love.

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    “It Ends with Us” Review: A Heartfelt and Compelling Adaptation of a Beloved Novel

    This review provides a comprehensive look at the film while ensuring that viewers can experience the story’s twists and turns for themselves. Whether you’re a fan of the book or new to the story, “It Ends with Us” is a film that offers a compelling and heartfelt journey worth watching

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    Adapted from Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel, “It Ends with Us” is a powerful and emotionally charged drama that delves into the complexities of love, family, and self-discovery. Directed by Justin Baldoni, the film features standout performances and brings to life the nuanced and deeply human characters that have captivated readers worldwide.

    The story follows Lily Bloom, a young woman navigating the challenges of a new life in Boston. After the death of her abusive father, Lily leaves her hometown to start fresh and pursue her dream of opening a floral shop. In Boston, Lily meets Ryle Kincaid, a charismatic and ambitious neurosurgeon who sweeps her off her feet with his charm and determination. As their relationship blossoms, Lily finds herself falling deeply in love with Ryle, who, despite his initial reluctance, begins to open up to the idea of a committed relationship.

    However, the arrival of Atlas Corrigan, Lily’s first love and childhood friend, complicates matters. Atlas, who has overcome his own share of hardships, rekindles old feelings within Lily, reminding her of a time when life was simpler. As Lily grapples with her feelings for both men, she must confront painful memories from her past and make difficult choices that will shape her future.

    The film excels in its portrayal of the main characters, with each actor delivering a compelling and authentic performance. Blake Lively shines as Lily Bloom, capturing the character’s strength, vulnerability, and resilience. Her portrayal is both heartfelt and relatable, making it easy for audiences to empathize with her journey. Justin Baldoni brings depth and complexity to the role of Ryle Kincaid, expertly navigating the character’s charming exterior and hidden insecurities. Brandon Sklenar delivers a standout performance as Atlas Corrigan, portraying a character that is both endearing and strong-willed.

    At its core, “It Ends with Us” is a story about the enduring impact of love and the difficult choices we must make in its pursuit. The film explores themes of domestic violence, trauma, and healing, shedding light on the struggles faced by survivors and the strength it takes to break the cycle of abuse. It also emphasizes the importance of self-love and the power of forgiveness, both towards others and oneself.

    Justin Baldoni does a commendable job of adapting the novel for the screen, maintaining the essence of the original story while adding visual and emotional depth. The pacing is well-balanced, allowing the narrative to unfold naturally and keeping the audience engaged throughout. The cinematography, led by Barry Peterson, beautifully captures the contrasting landscapes of Lily’s past and present, enhancing the emotional impact of the story.

    It Ends with Us” is a moving and thought-provoking film that stays true to the spirit of Colleen Hoover’s novel. It offers a poignant look at love, loss, and the journey towards self-discovery. Fans of the book will appreciate the faithful adaptation, while newcomers will find themselves drawn into the compelling and emotional narrative.

    With its strong performances, heartfelt storytelling, and powerful themes, “It Ends with Us” is a must-watch for fans of romantic dramas and those who appreciate stories of resilience and personal growth. It is a film that will leave a lasting impression and spark important conversations about the complexities of love and the strength it takes to overcome adversity.

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