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Orphan First Kill

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Orphan released in 2009 was a horror masterpiece in my opinion. I even bought the DVD
(remember those?). Despite having not seen Orphan in several years I can still remember
parts of it quite vividly. The starring role of ‘Esther’ (played by Isabelle Fuhrman); breaking
her own arm using a vice, kicking the hell out of that toilet cubicle, and of course creepily
cutting up her food with all the precision of a skilled surgeon. I can even recall some lines
like Esther threatening her adopted brother with a box cutter blade. Taunting the petrified
young boy by telling him she’s going to cut a certain appendage off before he’s even “learned
how to use it”.

So, when I saw Orphan: First Kill (2022) was now streaming on UK Netflix I was
skeptical. Knowing the genre’s track record for sequels and prequels, I didn’t hold out much
hope for reclaiming the glory of the first film. The first hour of the film is pretty much a
blood by numbers setup. The opening scene finds Esther, whose real name is Leena, trying to
escape from a psychiatric facility for dangerous patients. We are told Esther is the most
dangerous of these patients despite her petite size. We are also reminded of Esther’s
condition. Esther suffers from hypopituitarism; a form of dwarfism, which means she will
remain looking child-like despite her maturity. Esther plays into this in order to con people
into believing she is a harmless child. Orphan: First Kill takes place 13 years prior to Orphan
which means Esther is 20 years old.
The disturbed young woman of course escapes from the facility, resulting in at least
three murders by her own hand. Whilst on the run, she assumes the identity of a missing 9
year old girl named, you guessed it; Esther. This is how Esther gets her alias.
The burgeoning con artist ingratiates herself to the missing girl’s family by pretending
to be their long lost daughter. She takes a particular liking to the father, I’m sure she wants to
call him ‘daddy’ (sorry I had to). All very standard and following the same beats as the first
movie. It was at this point in the movie I resigned myself to returning to my very busy
evening of doom scrolling. But, then! The twist happened! I won’t spoil it but suffice to say I
was impressed with this switch up. I had suspected Julia Stiles (10 Things I Hate About You,
Mona Lisa Smile) wasn’t going to be just a suburban mum whose becoming slightly
suspicious that her miraculously returned daughter is somewhat homicidal. The movie turns
deliciously campy and I couldn’t wait to find out how this truly twisted tale unfolded.
Actress Isabelle Fuhrman returns as Esther and is as formidable as ever in the role.
Some have criticised that at 27 Fuhrman is now too old for the role, even pretending to be an
adult pretending to be a child. In Orphan Fuhrman was 18 years old, so her youthful looks
made her portrayal of Esther all the more disturbing. In the prequel she looks far more like a
grown woman. Despite rumours there was no CGI de-aging, instead the production utilised
child stunt doubles and forced perspective shots. You can play a fun game, as I did, of trying
to guess in which shots Fuhrman was switched for the child stunt doubles. I also hypothesised
that the real Esther’s bedroom furniture was scaled differently to fit Fuhrman’s height which
makes the scenes in the bedroom with the other adult actors look…interesting.
Despite all these machinations the casts performances are excellent. Fuhrman even
makes the egregious Estonian a somewhat sympathetic character regarding the situation she
finds herself in. A special mention goes to the son, Gunnar (Matthew Finlan) who started out
a relatively benign but ended up as a character you love to hate!

Is Orphan: First Kill another horror classic? Not at all, but it’s a surprisingly fun
watch that will take you by surprise.

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‘Speak No Evil’: Chop-chop-CHOP

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A struggling couple with their young daughter are invited to spend an idyllic weekend at a newly made friend’s country house, that hides a whole bunch of nasty secrets! 

Normally, a review consists of a few paragraphs of expounding on the movie and then the ranted opinion itself, closing with a recommendation as to whether or not Moxie recommends going to see said film. Speak No Evil is a very weird exception, for there is very little in the way of plot to follow, and the would-be horror devolves into cheap scares and dumbassery for us to laugh at. When the theater audience has cat-callers hooting and calling out the protagonist dad figure of the film and there is no censure from anyone else, you’re doing something wrong. But, let’s attempt a dive anyway! 

So Ben (Scoot McNairy) and Louise (Mackenzie Davis) Dalton are struggling, with life, with career and money trouble of course, and perhaps most importantly but less often spoken of, with each-other. Whilst trying to hide it all from their sensitive bunny-stricken daughter Agnes (Alix West Lefler) too, of course. They somehow took a vacation runaway of sorts to Tuscany of all places, where they stay in a villa with a few other vacationers, bonding over the one annoying couple no-one else likes with new friends Paddy (James McAvoy) and Ciara (Aisling Fraciosi) and their apparently nonverbal kid Anthony or Ant (Dan Hough). Later, after a reminder postcard with the extended offer of a weekend stay at their country home is again extended to the Daltons, the two parental units decide it would be a good idea to run away some more and off they go, with Agnes and Hoppy in tow! 

It’s amazing that the Dalton parents know so little about Paddy and Ciara and still decide to spend a weekend with them at their run-down country house. And just as soon as they do finally find the place, Paddy goes from the amiable fellow-dad to sympathize and bro-mance with, to an opinionated antagonistic competitor, who has to have his way about absolutely everything. It begins with the named goose he cooked for their first dinner there, despite being well aware Louise is vegan, and escalates to trying to instigate Ben into being more manly and take-charge, to serious disagreements in the way Paddy tries to raise his not-quite-mute kid, and finally the Dalton parents begin to realize perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. 

It’s often the children in these stories who provide the horrific reveal of what the villain, or villains, have been up to, and Speak No Evil is no different in this regard. Little Dan Hough gives a striking and ghastly performance as Ant, chop-chop-chopping his way through a silent explanation of what actually happened to his poor tongue. The brilliant way Agnes gets her parents alone to inform them of Ant’s new information is one of the few bright, smart spots of the entire movie. And after the Daltons have finally understood the true nightmare of their situation and their very real need to escape, the film basically degenerates into a kind of reverse home invasion horror flick, as the Daltons try to hide amidst the country house of our baddies trying to hunt them down! 

None of it is enough. No reason was ever given as to why Paddy the purported former doctor is like this, why he needs to OCD his trophies to the point of an incriminating evidence locker, why Ant was the one to finally find the courage to fight back, why the hell Ben is such a freaking milquetoast of a human one can’t even consider him the head of the Dalton family, why Louise is still putting up with all this nonsense over the safety of her beloved daughter, and why hasn’t the authorities or the families of other victims kicked up any kind of ruckus by now? Why is the neighboring handyman type Mike (Kris Hitchen) in league with our villainous couple to the point where he takes to hunting the Daltons with shotgun in tow, too? The film is apparently a remake of a 2022 Danish film of the same name, and we have to ask, why did anyone think the film market needed such a thing? Well, whatever. 

Cover your mouth to keep from yelling common-sense advice to the deplorably naïve characters on the screen and catch Speak No Evil in theaters now! 

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Top 5 Ryan Reynolds Movies You Need to Watch Right Now

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Ryan Reynolds has become one of Hollywood’s most beloved actors, known for his quick wit, charm, and ability to effortlessly switch between comedy, action, and heartfelt moments. With a career spanning multiple genres, Reynolds has delivered some truly iconic performances. Here’s a rundown of the top five Ryan Reynolds movies that every fan should watch, filled with SEO keywords to help you discover them easily.

1. Deadpool (2016)

Ryan Reynolds found his career-defining role as the wise-cracking antihero Deadpool, and the movie became a game-changer for superhero films. With its R-rated humor, brutal action sequences, and Reynolds’ perfectly timed one-liners, Deadpool is a must-watch for fans of comic book movies. Reynolds’ portrayal of Wade Wilson/Deadpool is the perfect blend of his trademark sarcasm and heart, making it one of his most beloved performances.

2. The Proposal (2009)

In this romantic comedy, Ryan Reynolds stars alongside Sandra Bullock as Andrew Paxton, an assistant who agrees to a fake engagement with his demanding boss to help her avoid deportation. The Proposal showcases Reynolds’ comedic timing, and his chemistry with Bullock elevates the film to one of the best romantic comedies of the 2000s. Reynolds’ charm and humor make it a standout in his filmography, and fans of rom-coms shouldn’t miss it.

3. Free Guy (2021)

In Free Guy, Reynolds plays Guy, a non-playable character (NPC) in a video game who gains self-awareness and decides to take control of his own destiny. The film combines action, comedy, and a surprisingly heartfelt story about finding your purpose. Reynolds’ performance is both funny and endearing, making Free Guy one of his best films in recent years. Fans of video games, action-comedies, and feel-good films will love it.

4. Buried (2010)

Buried is a tense thriller that features Ryan Reynolds in a solo performance, trapped in a coffin with only a cell phone and lighter. The film is a masterclass in suspense, and Reynolds’ gripping portrayal of a man fighting for his life showcases his dramatic acting chops. Buried is a must-watch for fans who want to see Reynolds in a more serious, intense role.

5. 6 Underground (2019)

In Michael Bay’s action-packed 6 Underground, Reynolds leads a team of vigilantes who fake their own deaths to take down notorious criminals. The film is pure adrenaline, filled with high-octane action sequences and Reynolds’ signature humor. If you’re looking for a fun, explosive action movie with witty banter, 6 Underground is the perfect choice for a thrilling movie night.

Honorable Mentions:

Deadpool 2 (2018): Reynolds continues to shine in this hilarious and action-packed sequel, cementing his role as the ultimate antihero.

Detective Pikachu (2019): Ryan Reynolds voices the adorable Pikachu in this family-friendly adventure, bringing humor and heart to the beloved Pokémon character.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017): An action-comedy where Reynolds teams up with Samuel L. Jackson for a wild, thrilling ride.

Ryan Reynolds’ versatility as an actor shines through in each of these films, whether he’s playing an action hero, a romantic lead, or tackling more serious roles. From Deadpool to Buried, his unique blend of charisma and talent keeps audiences coming back for more. Make sure to add these top five Ryan Reynolds movies to your watchlist!

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‘Beetlejuice Beetlejuice’: Get on the Soul Train! 

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The death of patriarch Deetz brings everyone back together, tossing in Beetlejuice himself to stir the plot and some new faces to shovel in some ghostly shenanigans! 

Oh, thank goodness ya’ll. The first Beetlejuice film came out when I was but a wee thing and my mom, who saw it, forbade me to until I was a bit older. Which of course led me to see the film anyway, have gross and spooky but oddly compelling nightmares and in general, develop a love for all things Tim Burton. His unique style and color palette for each and every movie he lovingly crafts is a masterpiece of skill, always a labor of love, and it shows. And some 30-odd years later after the first film, a Burton homage to all the horror and ghostly influences he had as a youngling that inspired a very-good cartoon show that lasted more than 4 seasons and almost 100 episodes and a fandom that spanned decades, Tim Burton brought that same style, that same unique love for filmmaking he gifted us way back in good lawd was that 1988 come on, to an excellent sequel. 

So the Deetz’s have kind of scattered to the winds of various places, Delia with her “body art” pieces and Lydia with her unsurprising talking with ghosts show, while Lydia’s daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) is in total denial and embarrassed by the whole thing, her whole family is just … weird. And things get even more weird when suddenly everyone has to converge on the family house in Winter River to attend the funeral of Grandpa, Charles Deetz, who died at sea but totally not in the way you think. 

It’s a pity there was no way in the netherworld that they’d bring back Jeffrey Jones, who played Charles Deetz in the first film, to play the character in the sequel. Look it up if you want to know why, I guarantee the knowledge won’t make you happy; I liked how the sequel got around the whole issue, it was actually a very Burton-style solution. 

So this armpit stain of a human, Rory (Justin Theroux), seems to be rather desperate. About everything! He just has to connect with Astrid somehow, he just has to remind everyone at the most inappropriate time dude seriously that he is there if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on, and oh yeah, he just has to ask Lydia to marry him … at her father’s wake. It’s enough to make a teenage girl run away, and that is exactly what Astrid does when our beloved Lydia just folds like a house of cards and says, wait for it, “Yes?” 

The first newcomer up to bat is Jeremy (Arthur Conti), simpering and sympathetic to Astrid, and did we mention cute? Astrid is staring at him with stars in her eyes and not noticing things she probably should be, so when Jeremy offers to spend the evening – not the night that’s the actual wedding ceremony yes we know gag – of Halloween doing whatever with her, of course she’s going to say yes. Astrid wants so badly to see her dead dad that she pays zero attention to what she is saying, out loud, from that one book. You know the one? Into the creepy green glow, we go! 

Elsewhere in the afterlife, Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton) has settled into a ghostly life of … office work? Really? Surrounded by Bob the shrunken head guy and his clones basically, BJ waits for a request to come in and does, well, whatever anyway! Our ghost with the most is the exact same slovenly creepily somehow briefly charming definitely smarming demon he was before, still pining for Lydia, and ready to run for the ninth circle of hell when he finds out that his ex-wife Delores (Monica Belluci) has somehow escaped her unraveling confinement, pulled herself together, and is coming for her wayward husband! 

That poor janitor (Danny Devito) sure didn’t deserve to die. Uh, again. And you have to wonder if the afterlife has actual cops and stuff to work crime scenes like this, ‘cuz this deflated sad sack this-shouldn’t-be-possible corpse is getting over-dramatized by the would-be cop at least he played one on TV, Wolf Jackson (Willem Dafoe), or to be fair, his do-gooding ghost. He does have guys in uniforms with him that obey him, and assistant Olga (Liv Spencer) with word cards, gesture-coffee and helpful “You’re not a real cop,” reminders, so at least Wolf sure looks like a real cop. And needs must when a young handsome ghost plots to steal the life of your only daughter! 

The afterlife is the same mish-mash fever dream of clashing psychedelics with black and white stripe styles and surprise neons, and there’s even not one but a few musical numbers. Why should the afterlife be grim anyway? Break out that fringe, shake that thang, get on the soul train! But once you do, Astrid will be gone forever. How to prevent this?? Do the one thing poor Lydia, who suffered nightmares and therapy and stuff over this very guy, swore she would never do – say his name, three times! 

Anything more would give the entire movie all away and really, you want to catch all the zany ghostly afterlife shenanigans for yourself, so catch a sandworm to ride to see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice in theaters now! 

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